Dont think anyone can beat my depress-ness

It's one of the odd night when I don't feel tired, due to somewhat called a reason but what's the reason? Hmm I dont know either. This post is gonna look greyish because the Quick text editor is not appearing since this morning, I wonder what has gone wrong this time but this colour perfectly fits into my mood now isn't it? I thank god it isn't some weird colour I set on my template but I dont really remember setting anything grey.

Anyways I did my german assignment tonight & credit goes to Vicky for helping me out with ideas because I suck at writing essays ever since I took my first step into University(That's Oct 2002, that's like 3 years+ back)

Some things are still remain folded, ever wonder what they'll all look like when you unfold them? Sometimes things work better that way, keep everything folded and place them at one corner, could be any corner, I'd say some corner in my brain then.

I was browsing through the photos I took when I was back for summer, the good old times to not worry about anything, there was no need to worry about meals, laundry, & studies of course. Had a short talk with the lil bestie back home, gone with the wind were the days when I can ring and talk to her anytime I want, again she's miles away and gets on with life, dealing with her own stuff-studies, family, love life.

Bah..I sound so depressing, but I can't help it! There're some good news like the Dance Party is known as the best Dance Party ever, there are no complains, and we are making hell lotsa profit out of it. It's time when I can shut this particular someone's mouth!

Attending my lil bestie's other half's convo tomorrow, I wish him all the best with his job hunting after he gets his cert. Can't wait for the photo session! Heh! I shall go sleep to look good in the photos tomorrow!

CRAVE!

Some photos from my fantastic blasting night. THANKS to everyone who came, we call a success because of you people!

Before party Started..8pm @ OC

With the SUAMS people

The gals..

Von, This guy whom I forgot his name & Moi

Hanis sweetie, moi & Sheila

Shin Yee & Moi

June, Moi & MinLi

SUAMS Famous 3 Drunkards + Hanis joinin the family

Thanks you guys heaps! I love you people, great fun working! Congrats for making our first joint event a success!

Sean & I, look at his collar!

I like this photo!

After the party ended!!

That night I had in total of 8 shots(including 4 Tequilas, QF, Cowboy, Chartreuse & Cherry Crime) + 2 Drinks(Vodka Lime+Malibu Coke). Well out of many friends' surprise I wasn't drunk, was tipsy but it only lasted for an hour, I was still quite sober when the party ended, seeing everyone leaving with either a drunk face, or a happy face, I was satisfied myself, I guess the other socials all felt the same about that night.

My greatest achievement of the week goes to..NOT the Dance Party but finishing One Tree Hill Season 1 in 5 days! LOL, I've gotta finish it otherwise I cant study or do my work. I have a german essay to write, 250 words, easy easy, the topic given called "Your dream career".

I shall get my ass off the chair and go get some beauty sleep! Muahah

I proved him wrong! But I am still blardee dissapointed from ticket sales, am I taking it way too hard or people are just not bothered about this? The effort I've put in since last November..Today is the day when it's gonna come true, lets pray for its best tonight and make it another BLAST!

Have to recharge to be up all night! Laterz

to whom it may concern,

If you have some problem with me, please dont take it out on me because I dont quite like the way it is and how it is ruining our friendship. period.

The one who still takes you as a friend.

A thought that came across my mind after watching One Tree Hill Season 1, Bad boys are cool but the goodie ones are of the preference?

Ohh Chad!

I seriously think MinLi needs some medication so she doesnt go all over Chad Michael Murray. Yea gal I know he's hot & all but this line quoting from you, again "I wouldn't mind having him as a boyfriend even if he's two timing"! *burst into laughter* Alright she may sound a bit desperate for CMM(short form for Chad Michael Murray) but who can deny the fact that he's really so damn hot??

This arvo after coming back from class I wanted to dig my face into text books(rare ey?), then I came across my new bought Cosmo mag, haha & there goes my whole evening because after lying on my bed reading it, I ended up falling asleep, words do make u sleep!

Apart from that, last night I got locked out! Damn!

One Tree Hill

"One tree hill - addictive"-quote from min, and it really is! muahah I was watching season 3, mind me if I ask alot of question when I watch because I havent watch season 1 & 2, Chad Michael Murray is...*slurps*..HOT!!

Watched 3 episodes at 1 go, there goes my study plan down the drain! Muahaha! But who can resist when you have books vs chad michael murray u tell me!! u tell mee!!

Happy Happy Happy mindset but saddy saddy bank account..

I got myself a Polo Ralph Lauren Black perfume today! It's the new range for Men but heck cares, I think it's unisex! So blardee tired after walking for hours today...

I need to rest, not just my body, but from some shit too..

*with her soaring arms..from rock climbing & arm wrestling*

sick & tired of all that been happening, asking once more for a better & more peaceful life. Back at home wasnt that bad after all, at least not so much stuff that I've gotta deal with myself..When is it til my turn to go home..I miss my..MUM...yea I dont care if you call me a baby..but being with her at least I feel sheltered, I think I've had enough rubbish!

It's Friday Night. A night where everyone chill together with drinks and music. The stomach is calling for some rescue, it's been putting the owner in pain for the past few hours & still making the owner feel worse.

Could it be the milk? or the stomach that was treated badly each time after the owner has all her drinks that contains alcohol?

Oh please hurt me no more!!

Maybe I shall not have cared so much, the last time when I cared for my brother, when I was upset about what he did and not wanting him to do it, I was told to learn to care for myself.

In other words, I will have to learn to be ignorant! Sometimes when you do things with good intention, some people just wont take it that way...

I apologize for my mistake yesterday, but I still think this has gone way too far. Maybe you should think twice and not trying to put what had happened as an excuse.

I do not wish another chaos to happen, but if its meant to happen again I will try my best to prevent it. That's how much I am putting it for this friendship that was once broken. The rest is up to you people to decide, join me or ditch me.

Bad Day

Currently listening to : No more fucking rock & roll

Today is my first day after 2 years in Uni to think I am really not a programmer material. It's either I am giving myself too much pressure because I really wanna get things done or it's just PMS.

Why have that thought about not a programmer material? I had 2 tutorials today & it was nothing like what I expected. Imagine someone like me who's been utilising every single part of my brain to stress over some subject that somewhat scares me off now, rather than spending the time reading something off the net or the textbook(which I heard has no use because the book is based on OpenGL*doesnt matter if you dont know what this is because I dont know either, probably a program to do computer animations* and my assignments are all based on C/C++, which I SUCK big time at it!)

What's C? A computer language that I assume all computer science degree graduates know, some people who have plain interest in computing stuff might also know a fair bit of it. Where as me, suppose to be the GEEKY one, has not much idea of how it should be. I think I struggled last year and got myself a Credit but still not have a clear idea of C. Again I am learning C++ this year, so how bad would this turn out to be?

On the way back home, I had the intentions to commit suicide, on the road! I am not trying to scare anyone, I spoke to a flo & chris about how dreadful my day is, the wind blew my thought away & I of course, got home safely. Thanks to 3/7 to give me a 10-15 minutes laughter, I think I'd just break down if I come home straight & have those stressful shit in my mind still.

This is a freaky long post as I am still not very happy but I have no one to listen to my complains, I guess everyone feels the same like I do, maybe I just dont hide them and taking it too seriously, as in contrast I can just sit back and relax, things might work out just fine(pray hard for me!)

A Randon note: I am gonna miss it when PVD is spinning on the 2nd April, I've bought my tixket but I checked my diary & I have got a quiz next day so I have to sell it to someone! PVD Tix on sale!! SIGH..

Listening to : Daniel Powter - Bad Day

Panic!!

Uni Life is kicking in..so much work ahead, just jotted down all the assignment due dates into my uni diary and it's so fucked! Why? Because I have weeks when I have like 3 assignments due, some weeks I have got no assignments or quizzes but that doesnt help much to cheer me up!

A lil updates, I finally got my working visa today, gonna start hunting for part time job, gonna have a hard time this year if I get one, I've really gotta deal well with time management otherwise I am screwed.

I was feelin quite panic after reading the first chapter of my Computer graphics books, I dont know half of the stuff in there and still have no clue about it, thank god some friends messaged and was complaining to me about how sucky the lecturer is and all. All in all what we're lack off is some directions, sources like course outline, slides & referenced chapters from text book. I aint the only one afterall.

Some other stuff that I still gotta deal with..

• Dance party tags, raffle tickets, landyards
• Cheque Return
• $$ from SUV
• Job hunt!!

Long day tomorrow, 1 hr german & 4 hours tute..On your phone, I'll sms when necessary!

Farewell to Mr. Bernard Vain Tan

My first time to see a friend off, I dont usually see a friend one because I am always the one leaving, from KL->Toronto, Toronto->Germany, then Germany->KL..I wonder when is my turn to say good bye to sydney..

Anyways, last night we had dinner @ casaturiana on liverpool street. The place itself looks okay but maybe not the location, & we still suspect if our(Chin, Nic, Kt & I) stomachache was from the food because apparently the seafood weren't fresh.

Just some pics to sum up our dinner..
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Blogspot is giving me some problems, or was it uni server's connection? Havent been able to upload any attachments & this is driving me mad..will post them later..

A blardee HOT & HUMID day!! Ewwww....

Remember how in my last post I always love to jot down my first time of everything?

Some updates of my My First Time list:

• Successfully cut chicken wing into 2!
• Peeling & Cutting more than 15 onions at 1 go
• No teary eyes after cutting 15 onions at 1 go
• Frying eggs on bbq pit
• Sun burned on my legs..2 big red patch behind my knees
• to have someone accidently cracked an egg and it got onto my right foot!(dammit)

Second timer would be the grossest(if such word exists) thing I did - Plucking chicken feathers!

Bwahahha

HAPPY 22nd BIRTHDAY

Freaking 3am in the morning, so damn blardee tired after 1 whole week os SUAMS stuff to deal with..

Today is a day to wish my bestie in KL: HAPPY BIRTHDAY WINNIE!

I officially gonna put my hands away from helping people that don't deserve it..I've done my part & will have no regrets in future years.

Fed up

Havent been posting for a short while, not MIA-ing, just nothing really interesting to post about, but yesterday & today shits have been happening that really got them on my nerves.

Situation 1:
This random guy was criticising me about one of my bad habits, I know its bad and all that crap, wheater good or bad, joking or whatever, I still got quite offended, very badly!! Urgh!!

Situation 2:
Some people just can't make up their mind with what they do, decided then become undecisive again, wasting not just a person but everyone's time. I'd suggest him to use his brains before he talks and say something that is more sensible..

What will I do when I cant take this no more?

A separate note: BTT mode ON! I rest my case..

~Announcement~

The evil has changed her nick on MSN, no longer having "ln" on it, it was a promise, a bond, that links the evil & her bestie in Toronto. It has been there since year 2001 and I decided to remove it, not trying to say I have already forgotten about this friend, in fact I sometimes still miss the good ol times we had there.

Those were days when we can spend hours and hours not worrying about anything(including $$ & acdemic results), all we did were party party & party, this gal who taught me something about friendship, about life & death & alot more.

I totally got influenced by her, alot of "My very first time"..

• Clubbing(or raving)
• Drinking
• Skipping class
• 6-8 meals a day
• sleep at 4am and get up at 8am
• Karaoke
• Mahjong
• & the list goes on..

And I thought maybe I just can't fit into this pattern, but I was ok with it, I was way to nerdy and I needed a change, good or bad, answers lies in my mind.

Oh wells..life has changed so much, I moved on to get into Uni, now at its very last chapter(lets make it 3 chapters as only 3 years in Uni), I wonder how much I have changed with different environment, friends..Better or worse? Hurm..

Just a separate note: the evil has chosen to keep quiet whenever she needs to..

Dozing off..

A bright sunny day, extremely HOT!! I woke up at 9 when the alarm rang, snoozed it til 11 and finally got out of bed at 11ish & went for lunch @ Newtown Thai with Min & Papa.

Watched an episode of "When rules turn loose" then get ready to head to uni for my first class of my last & final year - MULT3306. The lecture went well except the fact that I wasn't concentrating after 40 minutes because this guy whom I thought would end up to be my lecturer is actually the course coordinator, & on top of that he has really strong chinese accent so I used all my strength trying to catch what he was trying to say, about 25 minutes later, when he finished introducing the course & I thought that would be the end of the class, he said this" I'll pass the rest of the lecture to Dr Ian". "Fuck" I thought! I was way too sleepy to listen to what the lecturer was saying, so I started sms-ing vicky & complains about whatever I had in mind. When the clock hits 5pm sharp, I walked straight off the class, went wentworth to get my newspaper..

SUAMS meeting at 5, a blardee draggy one, as usual..went thru alot of stuff from the agenda & babbling all the way about food & I was starving!! FOOL!! It went on & on for 2 1/2 hours! *phew* I hate meetings..

We had vermicelli for dinner! With Von's TLC all in it! Heh! Kimochi the bear finished all the leftovers & still continue to stuff himself with 2 slices of cheesecake, his external stomach was out on emergency call I guess..Played a short while of "Chor Dai Dee", everyone was feeling too tired(so am I, but just gotta finish blogging..)

Was just talking to vicky on the phone for about an hour, bullshitting here & there, complaining about how stressful I think its like after my first class today..My final year in Uni, if I dont fail anything that is, feeling a lil fucked up. I was able to go through all the exams & textbooks in the past 2 years, I am just feeling a lil fed up with life like this, but I dont wish to make any change to it at the same time.

So that's what I call a day..putting myself in a dilemma..

Mahjong Mahjong Fun Fun Fun

If I am meant to describe how am I feeling now..I'd put it just in one word.."SYOK!!" Haha why that? I just had 2 1/2 hours of mahjong session with Adelyn, Angeline & Yik Wen. Been craving for it ever since I came back and finally get to touch it although its a small set!

Did my laundry just now, a tiring day..Socials Meeting, dinner, laundry then mahjong! Now I just feel like owning a mahjong set myself! Haha! Think I am getting so addicted to it & this is not good because Uni is starting tomorrow but its my 3pm class so I will have more time to have my beauty sleep!

I so need to get my working visa & start working! Joy is running out of $$! Gotta start saving once Uni starts, not so much of shopping or anythign that has to deal with lotsa $$!

Great dinner, fun & exciting mahjong session! Heee!! Joy is happy happy happy! The world is full of JOY now!!

I am feeling a lil bit better, but I was still avoiding the it when I was questioned..I just didn't want to get anyone into trouble...body needs to rest...MSO BBQ tomorrow, Ve Leong's Birthday dinner later..

不知什么时候开始。。我已经忘了我有这样的一个习惯。。我为自己高兴！万岁！！

laterz..

Road Trip

It was FUN FUN FUN! Thanks to 4/7 who took turns to drive around Sydney..

Places that we went? Chatswood, Palm Beach, The Rocks, RSL Club in Paramatta & Star City..Although it was just a day but I still wanna say thanks to Von with navigating the ways while everyone was dozing off, to Mr Chin who still was driving with his not fully recovered eye, to Kimochi who joined us and not go to work, to Min who spent her time driving instead of having her own beauty sleep!

Instead of just the plain road trip itself, it also kept me away from thinking this problem that I am yet to solve, but I took a chance to call home & spoke to mum, I guess things should be alright for now..I just "terasa"-ed abit while the radio was playing Michael Buble - Home..

Feeling way much better after the phone call..& now I am high on not sleeping for 20 hours after my 4 hrs of beauty sleep yesterday..

Dozing off..

Was I faking my smile, my laugh today? Isn't this something that will affect the rest of my life? What should I say about it? So this is what they call challenges you have in life? Why mine then?

为什么？当我以为一切都很美好的时候。。噩梦都会发生？难道。。每当世界变得太美好的时候，就是时候要留意不好的事情会发生的可能性吗？

When things go too well, be aware of something that won't go your way to happen...and this time its on me & peepz back home..

Still escaping..still..

When SHIT happens, I think I just cant BTT anymore..I still dont know what is happening at a place called HOME which is miles away but this person who's supposed to let me know everything is not yet telling me..FUCK!!

& this post continues..

I think my mind is experiencing mental breakdown after hearing what I thought would not happen in the rest of my life..So dramatic, so unbelievable..I so feel like going back to my mum now...*cries*

& still continues..

Conclusion comes to I still have to BTT about what's happening, dont come ask me what is the thing that's happening because I won't tell, just some personal problem that I can't even deal with myself...*prays hard for this to be over* 一切的罪恶，谁来承担？太残忍了。。