Am I a weirdo or what?

Sigh, ever since last month, every single thing around me has been changing, although I still get to mix with the people whom I hurt, but there is still a gap in between. It's either I dont know what to say, or I choose to not stick to them. I find myself fake when I stick to them, giving me the feeling of fear, guilty, so on and so forth. It's not to say that I cant put things down, but even when I am trying to be close to them, I can tell that they dont even wanna tag me along for anything, somehow I regret, I shouldnt been so nice, I shouldnt introduce all of them to each another, I'd be happy by then if I didnt do so. I am angry at myself, why did I create all the shit? Why didnt I solve the problem the other way round? If I'd have done so, those so called "close friends" of mine wouldnt leave me behind now.

Close friends, what a term, I always thought its forever, yes for the past 18 years my close friends are still my friends til now, although we might not see each other that often but we never experienced any argument like what had happened. Everyday while I know I will get to see these bunch of people, I am happy, I thought they could be the same but NO, they would not, and I know the problem is in me, when I am with them, I have this feeling that they are all laughing at me. I probably deserved to be treated this way but sigh...Oh nevermind, the world is cruel, maybe its just time for me to learn.

Last night I was watching the clips we have taken, those days were just great. Why did I screw it up? I asked myself again and again with no answer. I really hope they'd forgive me, although I told them it's alright if they dont want to, I now feel the pain when your friend no longer have trust in you, my smile is slowly dissapearing from my face.

Losing this bunch of close friends, mean time I get to know someone else that understands me. People who understands me probably has ideas and thought from the other side of the world. We see things differently and I always need people to analyze a situation for me. I am not sure if anyone notice but I want everyone who's reading this to know that, each time when I see the people I hurt hanging out together, I really wish I could be with them, I dont wanna feel left out, if u guys know what I meant, I promised I will change, I will, really will...

A thousand apologize to a guy & a gal...also to a person whom I didnt hurt but starting to leave me out, I dont know what to say...