If only..

Been thinking, if only I can turn back time, I would still be the innocent nerdy gal who doesnt know shit at all..or I wouldnt even be in love with someone that wouldnt fit into my life at all, wouldnt have done so much in the past that leads me here now on this point of life now. So much of things I have done, I'm regretting but I know one shouldn't look back into their past. It's aint good but isnt there where u learn your lesson from?

Picked up with this shit after being in love, learn the feeling of missing someone, the feeling of desperately wanting to see someone, feeling miserable for the someone..more and more..I just cant list them all.

I just have this feeling to write all these out, have I been hiding my true feelings? Have I been the real person that I am meant to be? I used to live like a hypocrite, there was always a reason behind it, lets put it this way, I just wanted to be a nice person in front of everyone, but when both side found out, I will ended up being the bad one, I sometimes dont want to choose who to be my friends but my friends chooses it and I had to be so or I will be left out.

Is this how life is meant to be? Fit yourself into others life and live that way? Why cant others fit into mine and stay like me? It's unfair huh? The moment when we see the bright blue sky, the real world, that's always when we are all there on the ground..we're all in the materialistic world, with the cruel people around you, but not to worry as there're always some of them, say maybe 10 out of a 100 that are not as the people on earth.

I've recently bump into a few in my life, my real true friends..I really should thank god to give me such a chance to get to know friends like them...

Im runing out of words, my brain is not working quite well at this hour..maybe I should blog again some other time..